


Fallen Knowledge

by Bioluminescent



Series: Eden [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials, Angst, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 15:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bioluminescent/pseuds/Bioluminescent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is not okay, Sig is falling apart, and Phil and Bell are <em>dead</em>. Where do they go from here?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fallen Knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts
> 
> Big thanks to WriteThroughTheNight for being my awesome writing buddy that gets this stuff out there.

Surrounded by a group of people and daemons who call themselves a team, Clint can only feel cold.

When they had followed Tony and his always moving magpie daemon into the little shop, there had been a cushion of sound coming from his mouth as he threw his black Amex card on the counter and stared down the owners. She looked at him, still in his battered suit, and then she looked at the rest of them all bloody and beaten before nodding towards one table.

But now, with everyone's mouth full of food, Clint drowns.

Sig shifts her coils around his chest and moves her head up to rest on his shoulder from where it had been resting on his heart. It still feels like his heart is gone, like Loki still has it, and that thought alone almost sends him into a panic. But Clint remembers the warm rush of feeling he'd gotten when he'd woken up in that little observation room, strapped down, Sig a quivering lump on his chest. He also remembers the way the world turned black and grey the moment he realized he had killed Phil and Bell.

The newly returned heart turned to ash and blood, just like the broken city around him he helped destroy.

Around him the Avengers sit in exhaustion, slowly eating their way through the shwarma. Captain Rogers and Thor are seeing who can make it to eating their body weight in shwarma first, but Thor continually gets distracted by the weight of the harpy eagle sitting on his shoulder. She frowns down at him but he smiles up at her, one hand stroking gently at the grey breast feathers. The only ones who didn't flinch when Thor's hammer turned into his daemon were of course Phil and Bell. 

The names rocket around his mind, guilt pushing along the crest of his roiling emotions at what he's done. A warm hand against his ankle has him startling violently, but nobody makes a deal of it as Clint refuses to meet Natasha's eyes. Everyone just pauses for a moment before returning to the food. Clint can feel the warm eyes of Dr. Banner resting on him for a moment longer as his honey badger shifts under his chair. 

Sig lifts her tail up around Clint's shoulders as those eyes slide away, cutting off any possibility of being touched by any other daemon or human. The time for friendliness and connection has died along with Phil's gentle touches and Bell's tongue. Natasha's eyes narrow and Radimir moves to curl up around Clint's other ankle, thankfully not touching skin with his fur. The mongoose is ignored. Her tiny hand squeezes against his ankle before withdrawing and Clint can't help internally relaxing as it leaves.

The bite Clint takes from his shwarma wrap turns to ash and he struggles to swallow it before putting it down. Sig rubs her head against his hair, tightening her coils in a cold hug. 

He reaches up with a hand to stroke one dull coil as she flicks her tail against his ear, whispering, “I will not leave you.”

The unspoken words remain. _I will not leave you again._

An uncomfortable silence rests around everyone at the table. Because while they did just save the world, they do not know each other enough to be comfortable. As a group, as heroes, they did well together, but now stripped of that, there is a clear divide between them all.

Thor speaks up. “Twas a mighty battle we faced, but now I wish for a long sleep to replenish my energy.”

Tony nods his head in agreement, “You have a point there Sparky.” Sharp eyes flick through the group before settling back on his food. “If you guys want, I have enough room, I mean, you could bunk up at the Tower. Enough wasn't destroyed for you guys to stay.”

Clint almost swallows his tongue at the thought of even living in the Stark Tower, where Loki had been left for them to collect, where Phil had gone so many times and Bell had complained about Lachesis so many times after they had returned from the Tower. But all around them, the Avengers are nodding and standing around the table, following Tony out the door.

Clint skirts around the group outside the door, ready to vanish into the city the moment he has the chance but a hand against his wrist has him stilling, Sig writhing around his chest, her head rising from his to glare at Natasha.

“Clint?” The soft word has everyone pausing, turning towards them. Clint tenses. He could break her grip and bolt, but they would probably give chase, and they deserve an answer.

So he forces his throat to work around the blood at the back of his throat. “Um, I don't think I'll be able to uh, go back right now.”

Tony opens his mouth to retort something but the hand on his sleeve stops him. He looks at Steve and sees him shake his head slightly before wilting and shrugging. “Whatever you say, Legolas.”

Natasha tugs on his wrist, “I know a place if you want.”

Clint thinks about going back to his – their – apartment for the night, of walking around and expecting Phil to scold him for leaving cups all over the bookshelves, for the chatter and thumps that go with Sig and Bell playing, of stumbling against the memory of Phil leaning against his side and looking out the window with a steaming cup in one hand. Of looking out windows that show smoke and fire and destruction.

He nods. “Lets go.”

~^~^~

The next time Clint is in Shield, he fully expects to be dragged down to one of the deepest cells and left there for the rest of his life. What he does not expect is for Maria to hunt him down in the ranges.

She stops a few feet back, respectfully giving him much needed space as Finian settles down next to her. Knowing how she will wait until he is done, Clint settles his bow on the table in front of him, Sig curling up his leg to his shoulders.

“What do you want.”

Maria does not react to his terse tone, as she understands as much as Natasha how it hurts him to be at Shield right now. “The Director requests your presence in conference room four, Agent.”

He nods and begins to pack up his bow into its case, tucking an arrow into his vest. She doesn't leave, nor does Finian take his eyes off of them.

Finally, he meets her eyes. “I'll meet you there.”

Sniffing, she turns on her heel and stalks out. Clint shakes his head before carrying his case to his weapons locker, stowing it carefully away before making his way up to the conference room.

Natasha does not move from her chair as he slides out the vent next to her chair, Radimir opening one eye to look at him before closing it again. Staring at him from across the table, Steve blinks at the sight of him appearing from the wall before shaking his head. Sig nudges his cheek and he nods, also noticing the little twitch at the corner of his mouth and the little huff of air coming from Sappheire at his side.

Considering the discussion Tony and Bruce are having, Clint does not expect them to notice his entrance, instead turning his attention to the Director where he is trying to gain everyones attention. Nipun flares his wings and meets Clint's eyes boldly before snapping them back in and clacking his beak. 

The last person to arrive is Thor, and when he does, he makes an entrance. But considering how much cape he has and with Mjolnir sitting on his shoulder, he makes entrances wherever he goes, including the restrooms. Bruce looks up as he sits down beside him with a reassuring smile and Director Fury decides to start.

“Now that you all are here--”

Tony mumbles something under his breath and Fury glares at him, Natasha stiffening beside Clint. But when he looks at her her face is blank and Radimir merely shifts against the table before stilling. Sig coils herself neatly around his shoulders, a comforting presence in his world of ash and death. 

Judging from the look of hidden pain on Tony's face and the startled squawk from Lachesis on the floor Steve and Sappheire have meted out their punishment. 

Nipun growls quietly from his perch on Fury's chair. “Now as I was saying before I was interrupted,” he shoots Tony a glare, who meets his gaze evenly. “I have called you all here to figure out what should be done with Loki and the Tesseract now that this little mess is done.”

Thor shifts in his chair and the air sharpens around him. “I will take Loki back to Asgard to be dealt with as traitor, and the Tesseract shall be properly disposed of.”

Fury starts to say something but is interrupted again. Tony looks on in approval as Steve plows forward.

“What do you mean 'disposed of'?”

“I meant that it shall be destroyed.”

Fury glowers. “And what makes you think you can make that decision for all of us?”

Sappheire whuffs from where she is resting beneath Steve's chair and Clint catches a glimpse of white teeth bared in Fury's direction. “Oh, about the time that you created a second major problem that potentially lost lives because you needed a clean energy source for mankind that you can't make yourself.”

“The World Security Council--”

“The World Security Council does not get a say in something they do not understand, Director. And I must say, I'm pretty sure that you don't understand it either.” Steve snaps out, a low rumble from Sappheire providing a deep anchor to his words.

Fury sits back before speaking. “And what makes you think you understand it any better than the rest of us?” Nipun bobs his head in agreement. Sig tightens her coils around Clint's shoulders as Steve's jaw stiffens.

Steve tilts his head to the side, seeming to consider the question. “Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that I had to deal with the Red Skull who was crazed by the power of the Tesseract in World War Two where he attempted to harness that power to create weapons and almost allow Hitler to win. So, great thanks that I got when you did that exact same thing, Director. So excuse me if I want that thing destroyed.”

Thor nods his head gravely. “You cannot be trusted with this power, so it needs to be destroyed.”

Around him the Avengers all nod and Fury sighs. “Looks like I'm outnumbered here. Fine, go ahead.”

Clint watches all of this happen, and seriously considers the little altercation between Fury and Steve. Considering how they clashed so quickly, it does not bode well for Fury if he keeps tangling with Captain America.

~^~^~

A few days later they bid Loki farewell, Sig flaring her fans at the sight of Absinthe curled close to Loki's chest. She merely flicks her tongue before slinging her head and neck around his throat like a green and gold necklace, her black mouth stark against her colors.

Natasha leans in, careful not to touch him, and murmurs in his ear. “All things considered, she would make a very nice purse. Or some heels.”

Amusement flashes down in a colorful spike against the black and white and Clint imagines the feeling of that sinuous body writhing under his hands as he skins her carefully keeping her alive. Along with the pleasure is a wave of horror at his own thoughts of touching someone else's daemon because he would never become--

A brilliant flash of blue and the two gods are gone.

Clint does nothing as Natasha brings Bruce a duffel bag, waiting until Tony whisks him away in his giant car with a roar of the engine, Steve raising a friendly hand in farewell as he leaves on his bike, Sappheire comfortably curled up in her sidecar, her head resting against the edge and her tongue lolling in the wind.

He leaves with Natasha back to her place, Sig curling around his chest to chase away the heavy cold weight in his heart. Tucking his head to her curls, Clint watches as he strokes her, scales coming off like leaves in autumn.

~^~^~

Unsurprisingly, the next time the Avengers need to assemble is when reconstruction of New York is nearly finished.

Voices are yelling in his ear, the air frigid against his skin, but Clint does nothing and stares into the eyes of their new foe. The man smirks and raises one hand with a casual flick of the wrist and suddenly Clint can hear again. 

The blast from the shattering building under his feet had separated himself and Sig from the rest of the group, the Hulk roaring in the background. It had also brought him closer to their target. So Clint faces off with the man who took down Captain America in a wave of icy water, the man who froze Iron Man in a block of ice five feet thick, the man with a heart like his.

Clint stares at the spot right between his eyes, his arrow steady in the growing wind as Sig clenches her coils once in agreement. Icicles hover in the air behind the man's shoulders and Clint hovers on the edge of letting his arrow fly. One twitch has both weapons aiming for their marks. Time slows and Clint closes his eyes, making no move to safety as the man across from him does the same. Two still men, with nothing in their hearts.

With ash and blood in the world around him and in his heart, a little ice could not hurt anything.

Repulsors scream in his ears before an arm hooks through his vest, his feet leaving the ground and a body falling to the ground.

In the few moments it takes for them to fly back to the medic tent set up by Shield, Sig has made her way completely inside Clint's clothes, her cold scales smooth against his skin, rough where they have fallen out. 

Clint stumbles when Tony sets him down harder than normal, the faceplate coming up with a hiss as Sig still rubs against his skin, trying to get warm. The medics swarming around them titter as Tony stabs a finger into his chest.

Clint rocks back on his heels with the force of it, numb as Tony snarls in his face, “What the fuck do you think you where doing out there?” Angry chirping in the suit has Tony taking a step back with a crackle, his joints still icy from his time spent as an icicle. Sig hisses from her spot curled around Clint's chest and he feels another few scales coming out as she moves restlessly.

He can hear Natasha begin to say something before Fury breaks through, “Agents, debrief now.”

A snap has Iron Man standing before him and Clint shrugs, Tony snarling as he grabs him by the vest and blasts off the ground. The harsh wind around him eases the strength of Tony's grip but it leaves Sig even colder against his skin, her movements weak and small. Large crunching when they land reveals Tony has left a few footprints for Shield to deal with as he hauls Clint into the building.

By the time they get to Fury's office Tony has shed the armor and carries it in a suitcase in the hand that does not have Clint by the upper arm, Lachesis ruffling her feathers and hissing quietly under her breath every so often. Tony opens the door with the same angry energy, Bruce wincing at the loud slam. They all watch as Tony throws Clint into a chair and spins it around. Lachesis flares her wings as the suitcase suit lands with a thump on the floor, Tony leaning over Clint with his hands on the armrests, effectively pinning him in.

Calmly and slowly, Clint readjusts Sig to drape over his shoulders under his shirt, allowing his eyes to flick around the room. Bruce is sitting in the chair across from him with a cup of tea in his hands and Thor standing behind him, Amani in his lap. Next is Natasha, staring with hard eyes at his carefully blank face as Radimir leaps onto the table in front of her, bristling. Steve sits on the other side of Bruce with a blanket thrown over his shoulders, shivering occasionally and Sappheire curled up remarkably small in his lap. The daemon shifts to meet his eyes and he quickly looks away, missing the frown Steve gives him as he looks at Fury.

Nipun is flared large and bold on Fury's reinforced shoulder pad, his beak clacking repeatedly before Fury straightens and barks out one word. “Explain.”

Tony scowls, his eyes drawing tight. “This little fool, got to Iceman, and took the shot.”

They all nod, Fury still staring at Clint, “We know that.”

He chuckles humorlessly. “And what you don't know, is that he had icicles arrowing towards his chest and he did nothing.” The room stills. “He didn't move, didn't even twitch, just closed his eyes and stood there.”

Sig shifts again under his shirt and Clint lifts a hand to stroke her head gently with his thumb through the fabric. Natasha closes her eyes and breathes out slowly, dipping her head to her chest as Radimir scrambles across the table to lean towards Clint.

“Is this true?”

Clint swings his head to the mongoose's level. “What else do I have to live for?”

Out of the corner of his eye Clint can see Bruce straighten in his seat and Steve blink slowly, recognition dawning on his face. 

“Goddammit Clint, I can't have you doing missions like this if you're gonna be a fucking suicide risk for us!”

In a burst of movement, Clint jumps out of his seat, shoving Tony out of his way. His voice whips through the room, vicious and violent. “Then maybe you should have reconsidered making me active again. Because let me tell you, I've been a suicide risk since I woke up on that Helicarrier and I realized what I had done. Hell, you should count yourself lucky that I've lived this long.”

Chest heaving, Clint slams his arrow into the table, the broad head cutting into the wood easily and he can feel one of Sig's scales tipping dangerously near the edge of his sleeve. Time slows and he feels the moment it falls, every eye in the room watching as it lands next to the arrow. He glances at Natasha and that is a mistake.

Anger on her face, she crosses the room. “Where is she.”

Clint shakes his head, backpedaling until his shoulders bump against the wall. “No.”

“I will say this one more time.” Sig shifts under his shirt getting ready to flee into the vents behind him. “Where is she.”

When Clint does not answer she puts her hands on his shirt, feeling for Sig's coils. Radimir begins to crawl up her sweatpants stopping every few moments to nose at Clint's clothes. Her eyes sharpen as she feels one coil before it slides out of her grasp.

Everything else is background noise as the feel of her hand burns his skin, Sig writhing uncomfortably, somehow staying in his shirt with one coil around his waist.

In the silence of the room, there is a loud clang as the vent falls against the back of Clint's shins and something warm presses up against his leg.

Fury hangs his head. “Fucking hell, Cheese.”

Clint looks down, hoping his eyes are true as he falls to his knees, dimly registering as Natasha backs against the table in shock.

Her voice is hesitant. “Clint?”

Reaching out and brushing one hand against the fur on the top of her head breaks her uncertainty and she flies into his arms. The moment she is in his arms he can feel Sig begin to warm up and move, her head poking out from under his shirt as he trembles, his mind blank with shock.

“Bell?” She nods, kneading his chest with her paws and shoves her head under his chin, color seeping into the room, the black and grey washing away in a wave of warmth and happiness.

As Sig slides out of his shirt to wrap around them both, Clint can hear Tony saying, “Is Clint touching somebodies daemon, or am I seeing things?” 

Thor growls, Mjolnir flapping her wings in shock as they watch the scene before them. “It cannot be true, I saw them fall with my own eyes!”

There is a flurry of movement and then the sound of grinding bone.

Fury looks up from his spot on the ground, Steve standing in front of him with fists clenched, breathing heavily through his nose. Sappheire growls as Nipun shifts behind Fury, teeth bared as he reaches forward to reset his nose.

“Sorry, Natasha.”

She shakes her head. “No, he deserved it.”

Bruce clears his throat and everybody turns to him, one fist clenched in Amani's scruff. “Um, did anybody see Clint leave?”

A few scales in front of the vent show the empty spot he had been kneeling with Bell in his arms, the arrow still stuck in the desk as Nipun clacks his beak uncertainly.

~^~^~

The journey through the vents is a blur of warm fur and scales, the sharp edge of the vent cutting through his palms clearing his mind as he drops into a medical room. Sig shoots towards the only bed, her dark scales a stark contrast against pale skin and white sheets.

Blue eyes meet his and warmth flushes through him as a hand lands on Sig's thickest coil, stroking gently. A shiver rolls down his spine and he stands next to the bed, Bell still cradled against his chest. His other hand reaches out and brushes against Phil's, the last ash vanishing from his heart against the feel of a steady pulse.

Clint crumples, a sob ripping itself out of his chest, his knees hitting the floor with a harsh thud. Bell is trapped beneath him between the bed and his chest, mewling as he strokes her fur her tail wrapping around his arm. Phil cups the back of his neck, stroking a thumb down the line of it and Clint crumples a little more. He tugs and Clint crawls into the bed, careful around the bandages still wrapping around Phil's chest under his hospital gown. Sig hisses and he wraps both arms around Phil's waist. One arm goes around his and the other stays against his neck as Clint tucks his face into the crook of his neck.

After most of the tears have gone, Clint becomes aware of the fact that Phil has been stroking his back, murmuring words against his hair, pressing kisses next to his ear. Not releasing his grip, Clint shifts enough to press his lips against Phil's. He almost falls apart again at the salty taste of tears against his tongue, of the feeling of Phil under him.

As hands drift under his shirt, Clint finally feels warm.

~^~^~

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification:
> 
> Clint- Sigrun, King Cobra  
> Phil- Belladonna, Clouded Leopard  
> Maria- Finian, Serval  
> Fury- Nipun, Bearded Vulture  
> Natasha- Radimir, White Tailed Mongoose  
> Steve- Sappheire, Rhodesian Ridgeback  
> Tony- Lachesis, Black Billed Magpie  
> Bruce- Amani, Honey Badger  
> Thor- Mjolnir, Harpy Eagle  
> Loki- Absinthe, Black Mamba


End file.
